Counting Blessings

Mismatched socks in with the pots and pans.


One pair of training pants in the around-the-world puzzle game.


Cheerios that crunch under my feet after I just swept.


Laundry that never ends.


"I'm hungry," heard all day long.



These are things that show that my children are healthy, active, creative, and silly.


Can I be thankful for the messes because I am thankful for the children?

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

I Thessalonians 5:18

I was listening to a relationship talk-show host on the radio a few years ago. A woman called in complaining about her husband. Apparently he never put away his dirty clothes. And he always left cupboard doors and drawers open. If he made a sandwhich, he left everything out, knowing his wife would come along and pick-up after him. "He's worse than the kids!" she said. The wife was tired of his behavior and wanted him to change. The host listened and then told the woman that her husband probably wasn't going to change his messy ways, so she might as well get used to it.



A bit later in the show, the relationship expert host said that she just received an email related to the "my husband never picks up his stuff" call. The letter went something like this:



I was listening to the call moments ago about the husband who absently leaves his things out and never closes cupboards or drawers. I would give anything to pick up after my husband again. After 5 years battling cancer, my husband died last year. I miss him terribly. I miss picking up his socks that he tossed right next to the hamper. I miss the wet towels he left on the floor. I miss him leaving his paper beside the chair. I even miss the messes he left in the kitchen. Now I never find something out that I didn't get out myself. I am alone. Please pass on to your listeners to remember that picking up after someone is not a chore, but a blessing in disguise. Those messes mean there is life.



I remember that woman's words and think of her sentiment almost daily. Stooping to pick up mess, after mess, after mess. Mostly my children, but sometimes my husband. Will their clutter never end? It feels like I take one step forward and fourteen steps backward in trying to keep my house "presentable."



Give thanks in all circumstances.



My sister-in-law has 4 energetic young boys and often gets stares and remarks when she is out in public. People say to her, "Wow, your hands are full!" To that she replies, "Better than empty." After almost losing her youngest son at birth, she knows too well that energetic and healthy, plus the chaos that goes with it, is a blessing.




I need this reminder today as I look around my messy well-lived-in home and am distracted by naughty rambunctious children. I don't know where to start. Laundry or dishes? Sweep or knock down cobwebs? Then I'll have to dust and who is unfolding all the laundry!!? Again.




The frustrations mount, I feel overwhelmed and grumpy. I saw the mess and forgot about the people who are healthy, active, creative, and silly. Without them, I would sit around in a clean house and be lonely, missing them.... and their messes.





Those messes and frustrations will still be there. (Believe me, there isn't a maid who will miraculously swoop in and save the day). So instead, I'll call my husband and say, "I love you and miss you." I'll cuddle my children on a cluttered carpet and read stories. I'll rock them and kiss their hair that needs a bath. I'll say "I love you, precious child." My family and everything that goes along with them are blessings. Sometimes in disguise.

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

I Thessalonians 5:18

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Merry Christmas! (plus video highlights)

From our family to yours, we wish you a very Merry Christmas!

Photo credit: Kellie Parry Photography

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Wanting..... Contentedness.

I love beautiful things. I sometimes get carried away thinking about all the beautiful things I want to have. I don't live an extravagant lifestyle compared to the rich and famous, but I have plenty.... plenty to be thankful for. And it might take awhile, but my hardworking husband provides me with many of the beautiful things I ogle over.

Yet, I still get carried away with wanting more....

(new living room furniture)

 (canon 5D Mark II)

(modern farmhouse kitchen)

(exotic vacation)

(Anthropologie boots -- I could totally wear these with everything.... or almost everything)

(Etsy earings)

(Kitchen towels without stains on them)

(A girl can dream)

I find so many things that I want that my list grows longer and longer and I grow discontent easily.

Apparently I'm not the only person who has ever struggled with this:

1 Timothy 6:9-10 “People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.”




It was as though Timothy was talking directly to those with a handy computer, fast internet, who are supposed to be researching clothe diaper choices and somehow end up on the Pottery Barn website looking at leather couches.


The love of money makes the blessings in life unsatisfying. Have you ever longed for something, finally got it and then felt discontent right away? No wonder the words "trap," "foolish," "plunge," "ruin," destruction," "evil," and "griefs" are used to describe money and all that it can buy.


It is not wrong to love beautiful things. It is not even wrong to have beautiful things. But the dangers comes when wanting comes before living. When discontentedness grows to bitterness.

Philipians 4:11-13 says, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."




Whether in plenty or in want, I would rather live like this:


"The LORD bless you and keep you;the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."
Numbers 6:24-26


No Pottery Barn sofa required.

What have you been ogling lately? And how do you balance contentedness with "wants"?

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Listening

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)

That James guy really knows what he is talking about. The concept is novel in our culture. Yet, it could be and should be exactly how we interact with one other. Works with grown-ups. Works with kids too. 

Quick to listen.

Slow to speak. 

Slow to become angry.

My first reaction is: quick to become angry, speak without even thinking, and not listen at all to the real problem. I want to change my first reaction and re-train my behavior. It's something I am really working on and I have this verse posted around my house as a reminder. As well as the rest of the passage, "... for anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which saves you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.." (vs. 20-23).

I'm so thankful for my children who give me constant occations to work on the challenge. "Need practice being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry? Let me just wake up my baby brother from a long over-due nap....". Thanks Darlin'.

If you are like me and have a hard time implementing this method, an excellent book is "Shepherding a Child's Heart," by Ted Tripp. It's practical, it's Bible based, and you'll be a better parent for  reading it.

I overheard a conversation while I was picking blueberries today in a U-Pick field. The rows were pretty close together and the bushes were tall. I'm pretty sure the mother and daughter had no idea I could hear them plain as day. And for reference, I peeked around to see the approximate age of the daughter and my guess is about 10 years old. This is what I heard:

Excited daughter, Mom, have you heard of Katy Perry?

No.

She's so awesome. Well, some of her songs are awesome. Like "I will never be, I will never be you, no I will always be, I will always be me, that I know, But oh, even though I'm happy being me, I want to get away from all this harsh reality..." Daughter sings on.

I don't like it.

She also sings a song called, "I Kissed A Girl."

(Gasp) Never say that again! How horrible. You shouldn't be listening to music like that, let alone saying the title. Why are you not using discretion? I don't even know why you are talking like that. You shouldn't say things like that.

I can never do anything right. I'm not talking to you.... this sucks!

- - - - - - - - - - -

Maybe I should get a radio talk-show like Dr. Laura, because I desperately wanted to give this lady my opinion. Unfortunately, the mother would get around to asking for advice too late. She would call up in a few years and say, "I just don't know why my daughter is sneaking around and lying to me. We used to be so close. Now she won't even talk to me." And I would tell her that she should have been quick to listen when her daughter was willing to talk, slow to speak even when the very idea of "I Kissed A Girl" offended her sensibilities, and reasoned instead of becoming angry over the little things.

God's way is always better.

Until my radio talk-show takes off, I have this blog. Thanks for listening,

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My daughters as American Gladiators

Gone unchecked, my children are headed straight for American Gladiators, season 492. The show has been around forever, but in case you've missed it the premiss has super strength, muscle-bound athletes with an attitude engaged in events against everyday, working folks. They do challenges like crossing ice water on high-flying rings, crossing a rolling bridge while obstacles are thrown in the path, and javelin matches where everyone is padded. The real life heros, who are always very fit and strong, are no match for the highly trained and angry gladiators.

My two little beauties would be Defiance and Manipulator. I know, I'm scared. Both nasty character traits are dangerous, but must be handled differently. I take this verse very seriously with my children, "Train up a child in the way she should go and when she is old, she will not depart from it." Prov. 22:6. And training has its challenges, especially when confronted with Defiance and Manipulator. I'm doing my best to keep my girls from being perfect candidates for American Gladiators.

(We had to pose this one, can you tell that I'm not really feeling threatened?)

Defiance is easy to spot in any tantrumming toddler. My eldest child can have a fit that will last and last. Her will is thankfully stronger than her brawn, but even in her younger days she was hard to control. You hear "no" a lot from Defiance and she can't stand help for the simplest tasks. These type of children fight to the finish and are a challenge physically and mentally as they wear down a parent's ability to see the goal. A defiant child also resists discipline with the "I don't care," method. I believe I heard it from Dobson that a defiant child doesn't really like the punishment and to keep on delivering it until you see submission. It can take a very, very long time to see submission. I'm talking hours here and sometimes years for the attitude to completely change. Defiance will wear you down if you aren't equipt. 

There is good news though. The job is so important because the alternative to Defiance is honoring to God. Defiance's stubborn streak will be a powerful advocate for good when her strong will is aimed in the right direction. I've seen this already and love watching my first born battle evil and allowing God to work in her life.

(Not posed, very common attitude)

I thought Defiance was my greatest challenge until I met the Manipulator. While defiance yells in your face, Manipulator plays to your emotions. She might not seem dangerous until you realize that manipulation equals deceit. The 9th commandments talks about bearing false witness and Manipulator is an expert at this:

• whining to get her way
• "needing" to be held and toted around
• crying and wanting hugs to get out of discipline
• showing mean behavior and then immediately saying "sorry"
• stalling obedience with "simple" requests, think endless bedtime

At first glance, you don't mind Manipulators tactics; at least she's not throwing tantrums in public. But without care and training, this child gets what she wants every time. You'll end up with a child who can turn on the tears and manipulate your feelings until you don't know right from wrong. Defiance has you physically, but Manipulator has your emotions. Guard your heart and jump right in. As a parent, I simply can't allow deceitful behavior and teach Manipulator that tears, whining, and stalling won't work. And Manipultor already shows signs of changing her ways. She has great compassion and love and just needs to be given the tools to help others instead of herself.

You might not see the full-blown traits of Defiance and Manipulator in your child, but each one tests the boundaries in ways that are constantly challenging the parent.Hebrews 12:1-3 is such an encouragement as I often feel defeated by the whole team from American Gladiator in my life's role.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such hostility against himself from sinners, so that you may not grow weary or lose heart."

I pray for my children daily, that I will be able to train them in the way they should go. Being in the trenches of parenting is hard work and I guess that I why I thought of the American Gladiators today. I might get pummeled occasionally, but the work I do as a parent is so important and I needed to remind myself of that today.

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Walking on water and moving mountains

I believe in God. I believe in the Bible. I strive to obey the Bible because I believe it is the word of God. It isn’t always easy. “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Heb 11:1

I have a hard time grasping the concept of prayer. Of course I have an academic understanding that nothing is impossible with God, yet I doubt when I don’t see immediate results. There are a couple of occasions in my life when I cried out to God for requests so big, I wondered if it was my lack of faith that produced results contrary to my desires.

The humorous sentiment in this cartoon is all too true. My faith is stronger when life is certain. It is so much easier. It is easy to pray for things that are not life and death. Like my new car last year. I prayed that a deal would come along that we could afford and eventually it did. Praise God, we had a new car. But when the issue is life or death, the outcome is colossal and it is unfathomable to wait for an answer. That is when walking on water seems impossible.

"Pray for one another, that you may be healed." 

Jam 5.16b

Prayer changes things. I know it to be true because I have witnessed it in small things and in modern day miracles. It can move mountains; God can move mountains, yet when I don’t see the mountain move, I am consumed with sadness and doubt. Why didn’t He hear? Why didn’t He answer?

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Phil. 4.6-7

I have a dear friend who is walking through a valley filled with shadows of sadness and fear. My prayers barely cease for her because I am so consumed with care about her situation. I found myself on my knees while taking a shower yesterday, begging God to perform the miracle that I know He is capable of doing. As I pleaded with a God I cannot see, two little girls pounded on the door to the bathroom. “Let us in!” They cried. “We want in!” Their request interrupted my more important mission, yet what they wanted was simple and persistent. I did not give them what they wanted because of a circumstance they couldn’t possibly understand. Is this how it is with God? He hears the pleas, but we don’t understand the whole situation?

"But you, when you pray, enter into your room. And shutting your door, pray to your Father in secret; and your Father who sees in secret shall reward you openly." 

Mat 6:6

It is true that having my own children teaches me about God’s love in a way nothing else could. I want good things for my children and giving them good gifts is the highlight of my day, especially when their actions are obedient. It can be beautiful and perfect and I know that is what God desires for us. So I keep praying. I keep praying for my friend and her immediate, dire request. And I keep praying too for my faith to be increased so that walking on water isn’t such a terrifying leap of faith.

"'Have faith in God,' Jesus answered. 'I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, "Go, throw yourself into the sea," and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours'." 

Mark 11:22-25

You can read about my friend’s request at www.danandhillary.blogspot.com. If you believe in prayer, I beg you to ask God to perform a miracle. A mountain doesn’t need to be moved, just a tiny little baby whose life, along with her mother’s, hangs precariously in close to disaster.

"For with God nothing will be impossible." 

Luke 1:37

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