Successful Adventures [with kids]

I used to think I knew a thing or two about adventure.

Europe beckoned with just a backpack full of supplies and my passport.

A solo road trip half way across Canada with a van seat that folded into a bed.

Plane rides to California for a tiny paycheck and a fantastic suntan in return.

Then I had children and the word "adventure" took on a whole new meaning.

I had so many occasions when my highest hopes for a good outing turned into a tearful, messy, cranky disaster.

Whether it is a trip to Disneyland, a simple errand to the mall, or picking blackberries on the back forty,

is it possible to have a successful adventure with children?

After a successful adventure recently, I pondered what worked.

Why did this trip get 5 stars while others rated "WORST EVER"?

1. Realistic expectations. This doesn't mean "low" expectations, just that we as parents know our children. I imagine realistically the potential outing/adventure, not the glossy catalog version where birds always chirp, sun always shines, children never get dirty, and heaven forbid they never throw fits!  

What are the worst possible scenarios and the best possible? Somewhere in between is where life will probably land. I give my best guess to the children's reactions and plan accordingly. For example, my toddler doesn't do the library very well. Hoping to spend a few hours there calmly looking at books is completely unrealistic. In a few years, yes, but for now our library trips are short.

2. Wise planning. How many times have I had a horrible experience just to think back and realize it was all my fault? We left too late, I didn't have enough supplies, a toddler missed a nap, everyone's hungry.... Good planning covers a lot of "what ifs." Times, locations, protein-filled snacks, changes of clothes, Costco size box of diaper wipes, the list goes on. Spontaneous adventures are still completely doable, the planning just has to go faster.

This might be the time to tell the story about last year's hiking adventure where both me and my child's father forgot Mandy's shoes. She had to be carried 3 miles. Poor planning.

3. Communication. I talk a lot to my kids about the upcoming outing. I try not to tell them too far in advance if it something that could fall through or is weather dependent. But just before and as we are going on our adventure, I talk about what it will be like, how I expect them to behave, consequences if they misbehave, and things to look forward to during the day. Toddler or school age, they are all in on the conversation. I learned this parenting tool from a book called Raising Your Spirited Child. I was trying to deal with my firstborn's horrible tantrums every time we transitioned from one activity to the next. The author pointed out that children freak out at the unknown. Spelling out what is going on and what is expected of them helps calm.

I try not to use bribes. Do they ever work very well anyway? If you promise something like ice cream if everyone is good today, what happens when one acts good, but the others do not? Or best yet, the bribes for things you really don't want to take away... "If you don't start acting better, we aren't going to Enchanted Forest." Ya, right. It's better to communicate expectations and reward appropriately. Never underestimate the power of praise!

4. A good attitude. If mama 'aint happy, 'aint nobody happy. My mood has a powerful impact on my family, especially on an adventure. My children LOVE going on outings with me. You should hear their excitement when I announce we are going to Gilbert House, OMSI, a day at the beach, or simply picking blackberries at the barn. All that fun quickly fades when I start acting grouchy, snapping at them, and getting irritated over little things. When I start acting like everything is an emergency.

I heard a quote that went something like this, "Children should know joy today, anticipate joy tomorrow, and remember joy from yesterday." As a parent, it is fully in my hands how my children view life. Is it negative or positive? 

Do I sweat the small stuff and get angry or count blessings and praise God for His goodness?

We had a good adventure picking blackberries. I kept it short and didn't try to do too much (I was tempted).

I had to carry Rem back home because he was tired and cranky.

I thought about this post that was already written in my mind.... this was poor planning, I thought and longed for a stroller or backpack.

We all live and learn, don't we!

How I wish there was some kind of graduate program to earn degrees in parenting.

"Yes, I'm working on my Masters in Adventures with Children. Yes, it is challenging, but I get lot of practice"

It was blackberry ice cream when we got home 

(4 cups ice, 1 cups milk, 1/2 cup sugar, vanilla, and berries in the blender for a minute).

When I think back on all the adventures I've had with my kids, the successful ones required realistic expectations, good planning, lots of communication, and fantastic attitudes (this isn't an emergency!).

What are your greatest memories of adventures with kids?

I love reading your comments.

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OMSI and Wild Kratts

 Saturday was a day for OMSI (Oregon Museum of Science and Industry).

The kids' favorite show, Wild Kratts, was doing a special presentation and my sister got tickets weeks before.

Ironically, my sister was going to be helping a retreat and already asked me to watch her two boys. Why not throw OMSI and Wild Kratts into the fun too? My parents graciously agreed to travel down from Oly to Portland for this adventure. I also convinced Jeff to accompany us with my flirtatious smile (the rain pouring down helped my cause too).

OMSI had lots of hands-on events and Mandy and Rem enjoyed the preschool room.

Never too many pictures, right? 

I was experimenting with my settings and these photo won't be winning any awards. The lighting was incredibly poor and I used a 1.8f and 100 shutter speed for most of these pictures. Adjusting the light balance from room to room also helped. These particular pictures were in a room with incandescent spot lighting, while the ones in the auditorium were florescent. 

Nano, Ben, and Emma were off with Grandma and Grandpa at this point while Mandy and Rem discovered to her heart's content. 

Now on to Wild Kratts.

We didn't really know what to expect, but the kids were SO excited.

The Wild Kratts show on PBS starts with two brothers explaining an amazing animal in some exotic location and then they jump into cartoon mode and explore the animal's unique attributes.

I'm pretty sure the younger kids expected the brothers to come jumping out in actual cartoon form. To their dismay, they were just regular guys. Or as regular as zoologists can be.

The adults were completely captivated by the presentation.

All in all it was a terrific day. Especially since Jeff could come along with me. For everyone missing naps (including me), there were smiles all around. 

On to the next adventure....

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Slam-bang golfing and more resort fun.

We just got back from half a week at the "resort." Otherwise known as Black Lake Bible Camp.

Swimming, sand-playing, nap-taking, eating, and mini-golfing were just part of the fun.

Turns out Emma is a slam-bang golfer. She putted under par throughout the course even getting a hole in one. Really putting me, our friend Jenni, and my dad (the course operator) to shame.

It's hard going trying to come down from the fun high of camp. No one is cooking my meals, or doing my laundry, or entertaining my children with awesome free events. Plus, I gained 2 and a half pounds on the delicious, but high fat camp food. I am now munching on carrots instead of iced mochas and chicken strips. Last time we were there I gained 3 pounds, so maybe in a few more visits I will learn how to say, "No thanks, I'll take the salad bar."

Back to real life....

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My training blog

It was only a decade ago that blogs did not exist. Al Gore hadn't really put the finishing touches on the good ol' internet. There wasn't anything to do online. A few sites existed, but basically they told you in a very boring way to call if you really wanted to learn anything. Email, now email was something! The cool people were emailing. Once a day, never more because we paid by the minute, we went online to get our mail, a process that took about 5 minutes of listening to screeching as the modem "connected". What was that sound for anyway? Was the computer using bat signals to communicate? My parents had a computer that was slower than snot, I tell you. Once the screeching stopped, the machine roared like a tractor pulling a rake up a hill. All that to get maybe one email. It was SO exciting.

In the midst of this computerized revolution, I was planning a trip to Europe. If it were now, I would get online and look at Travelosity for airline tickets, Trip Advisor for hotel reviews, Lonely Planet for hostel recommendations, and EuroRail.com for train tickets and schedules. I would be done in about 2 hours. As it was, planning the trip consisted of talking with people who had been there and spending hours and hours at the library looking at books about different sites that I didn't want to miss. The books had the latest prices and schedules supposedly, but the majority of the trip was left to, "We'll see once we get there."


"We" was my longtime friend Janelle and myself. This whole trip was Alaythia's doing. If you don't remember that story, click here. It was Alaythia me who got a message from the Lord and she I made a series of phone calls: 1) to my boyfriend to break up with him, 2) to my parents to tell them I broke up with Mr. Perfect and I wasn't going back to college to finish my degree, 3) to my college to tell them I wasn't going back as planned, and 4) to Janelle to convince her she needed to go to Europe with me. She agreed. Whew. So, after months of planning, we had our travel guide books in hand, a tentative schedule and an open-jaw ticket arriving in London and leaving for home from Rome with almost 2 months in between.

London to the English countryside

London to Paris

Paris to Berlin

Berlin to Austria

Austria back to France to Toulouse

Toulouse to Italy Switzerland

Switzerland to Italy

Venice

Florence

Rome

Sorrento

Pompe

Rome to home

Even though we had a Eurorail pass and it didn't matter how/when we used it, Janelle and I still chose to take night trains whenever possible. At the time, it seemed logical because a night train saved us a nights lodging as well. Youth hostels were about $16 and included breakfast. So of course we should risk life, limbs, and any sort of comfort and take night trains. It was from Toulouse, France to Italy that we accidentally got on the wrong end of a train that happened to split in the night while we were both sleeping... soundly. Instead of the warm Mediterranean, we woke up in Geneva, Switzerland and a thief had taken off with both of our cameras (secured around our necks). The rest of the journey was documented with a disposable camera and I also wrote down details in my journal.

It is this journal that got me reminiscing. I hadn't looked at it in years, but Emma found it and wanted to color in it. Are you kidding me, that's my first blog. I had it with me and wrote about the happenings of my life in Europe. Europe, child! I was young and free and had acid washed jeans! (I gave her a color book she forgot she had and she was happy.) How interesting my first blog would have been. No one reads my journal, yet I wrote as though I wished someone would. I've always known the blogging world needed me -- er, or I needed it. If Al invented the internet, then I'll claim inventing blogging. Strange that I haven't received a royalty check from Blogger.

It is as though I had Janelle take this picture with the express purpose of blogging about it. I didn't though. I have no idea what this picture is about.

I wrote about other strange things:

"Monday we left our temporary home at Schlossburg and caught the SKIBUS to Kitzbuhl, Austria where we intended to be on a train to Toulouse by 1pm. A usual, our plans didn't work out and we arrived an hour later to the train and couldn't get another train until the next morning. We were tired of Kitzbunel already so we journeyed on to Innsbrook, an equally enchanting town. We stayed at a mental hospital/youth hostel. Crazy.

Email was a phenomenon that had caught on all over the world.  Internet cafes were here and there, but we had to pay for every minute online. It was our main communication with our parents and friends back home. It was worth the $5 for 3 minutes. There was always the "work off-line option." That really saved my bacon. It was at one of these internet cafes in Austria that I received an email from my happily married parents:

"I read my long list of email and found that mom had written last week. She said that Black Lake camp asked her to be the head of housekeeping. She accepted the position starting June 1st. It's in Olympia. Olympia! I guess dad is going too, either that or they are splitting up -- unlikely since they are both partial to the canoe."

(I always felt like my head was too big in a literal sense when I was standing next to Janelle. She has a beautiful, small head. She also managed to take 5 items of clothing in her backpack and somehow come out every day looking exotic. That's why I don't have many pictures of us together. I was a little irritated that she was so cute... and that I had such a big head).

Venice Italy was one of my favorites spots. Everyone says it stinks, but it doesn't. I wrote about how it was unlike any where I had ever been, "It is quiet, yet bustling; serene yet exciting." I also wrote this:

"There are three big restaurants in the Piazza San Marco. I am sitting on the steps near one  of them and a string quartet is playing. Beautiful. Guess I should have let that guy take me to dinner. It is the perfect night for it. But I think he was a little short [always in tune with the important things] and a little bit of a stranger. Sometimes I wish I was more adventurous. Not every man is out to rape me or take all my money. Who knows, perhaps I could have made a friend."

Now as a mother to girls, I think adventure is over-rated. No strange Italian men. No traveling to Europe without me. No night trains. And again I say, no traveling to Europe without me. I have high hopes of returning to Europe. Jeff is even on board with the idea. We want to go in another decade or so and travel-school around Europe. Who knows what will exist by then, blogs might be a thing of the past. But I know I'll want to share the experience and I'll make my children blog about it too. Stay tuned....

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Barefoot hiking. It's the new cool thing.

We were at an award ceremony awhile ago and it reminded me how much I don't enjoy award ceremonies. Does anyone? Really if Beyonce is not involved, and I can assure you she was not at the one I attended, they are as dry as dry biscuits. And that's pretty dry. We clapped and rejoiced, celebrating the success of the person we came to see for 14 seconds. And the rest of the time I heard, "Drone, drone, drone, applaud, applaud, applaud...".

Thankfully award ceremonies don't come around very often.

Also thankfully because today my husband and I, cohorts in this crazy journey of parenting, would have received an award for least prepared parents.

"And the award for Least Prepared Parents on the Planet goes to....." the announcer makes a show to fumble with the envelope and then reveals...

"... Jeff and Alysun! For going on a family hike and forgetting a child's shoes," the announcer says with a game-show-tone, waiting for the applause.

Would anyone applaud? Probably not. Well, maybe the parents who didn't win would clap out of sheer relief. Everyone else would stare in stunned silence.

That's my youngest daughter there on my strong husband's shoulders. She's not wearing shoes. She is wearing 2 pairs of socks that I found in the diaper bag.

Applaud, applaud, applaud.

Crazy enough, my pride was more hurt than anything. We had invited our new neighbors to go on this hike with us. They are originally from southern California and we raved to them about Silver Falls. It's on the Williamette Valley's "must-see" list. They don't know us very well and all our other redeeming qualities, but now they know that we let our child run around a state park in socks.

My pride.... hurting.

Mandy didn't care one bit and ran down the dirt path without a care in the world. We carried her over the muddy parts. I have standards.

We completed the 5 mile loupe, taking in Oregon's beauty. It's really a great hike with 6 breathtaking falls in 5 miles. Our neighbors said they enjoyed it. I highly recommend it.

But I would wear shoes if I were you.


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a break from routine

Last week I was disturbed to find out my mom was really sick. What at first was thought to be the flu was finally diagnosed as a bad infection. My dad took her to an all day excursion to ER on Sunday and they poked and prodded and finally got her figured out and on her way home. Andrea and her family visited on Monday and reported back that mom looked quite terminal rolling around in her wheel chair. There is nothing like a bad illness to remind us all of what is precious in life.

We were able to get away on Saturday afternoon, leaving the hay sit in the field (the bales multiply when you let them sit -- it is a well known fact). It was such glorious weather and perfect to be at the lake "recuperating" with mom. It was wonderful to see her on the mend and her strength returning. No wheel chair required.

If there was a Black Lake Beauty contest, Emma would enter it. She found a crown at a garage sale and has proudly worn it ever since. 

The lake was very busy with boat traffic and both girls enjoyed watching the jet skis and water skiers. It was so hot down at the beach and we all went wading.

Mandy kept busy transporting sand from one location to the next. Her activities these days are exercises in futility usually, but she is very active.

And of course they got nice and sandy...

We could have left Mandy at the lake and she would have been happy. 

On Sunday I visited our cousin and took pictures of her new baby, Benjamin (3 weeks old yesterday). I have lots of sweet newborn pictures to share, but here is just one to tide you over.

My house is frighteningly messy, so I'll wait to edit the rest of the pictures later. I'll post them on my photography blog (click here).

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Attaining Perfection

We all know people who seem to live life with a bit too much perfection. Everything seems to be easy for them and it isn't fair! Women compare themselves a lot to each other and we see how easy and carefree someone else's life is and not the work that it takes to make it that way. Perfect hair, body, clothes, children, husband, home, cooking, canning, homeschooling, gardening, yard, car don't come without a price. Sometimes the person might just have better genetics than me or more money than me, but other times I think it is effort and attitude.

While looking at pictures from my most recent photo shoot, a sweet little 4 year old guy, I realized how much perspective can change a picture and a life too. I took quite a few pictures of Jackson on this window ledge before I realized there was a reflection in the window from a red sign that said "No Smoking." I could probably Photoshop it out without too much work, but why when I could just move over and erase the imperfection?

I moved my vantage point over a few feet and the sign was not in the frame any more. I physically had to move in order to change my perspective to have a perfect picture.

Changing my perspective on real life also takes effort. It is easier to sit in one place and complain about the literal or figurative "No Smoking" sign than to actually move and see life differently. Could I actually have the perfect life in my grasp and not even know it? 

This thought was reinforced when I read a post on Resolved to Worship. You can read the post here called "Happiness is Not the Absence of Problems." The writer of this blog appears perfect to me! She is beautiful (even 10 months pregnant with her 7th), an amazing photographer, decorator and mother. Yet even she was talking about how a shift in attitude makes all the difference in her own life.

I was struggling with a bad attitude yesterday when I woke up. Summer holidays are the hardest for me to get through as a farmer's wife and yesterday was a holiday, but not for my husband. He was busy raking hay, "making hay while the sun shines" and I was bored and irritated. I thought of all the people with their perfect lives having perfect camping trips with their perfect families or having BBQs with their perfect friends. And I was home alone while my husband worked, yet again.

I thought of my great "perspective epiphany" and wondered if I could make my life perfect too. It would be my version of perfect with happy kids, entertainment, blue sky, no yelling, shopping and eating out. And did I mention no yelling and happy kids? I could have probably made my perfect day at home too, but I was in the mood to go somewhere.

I packed up and headed to the beach and was there by 10:30. The weather was PERFECT. There was no wind and my kids were happy, happy, happy. My plan was going swimmingly. I began to think that having the perfect life wasn't so hard after all.

We played in the sand and I took pictures. I resolved to think only of the positive and deal with the negative and move on if necessary. I was amazed at how happy I was because of this change. An older lady came by and said, "Enjoy them while they are young. They grow up so fast!" I really was enjoying this moment in time. 

As the morning wore on, the girls got dirty and wet. Mandy ate sand, a lot of sand. And I forced a smile on my face and a calm tone to my voice.

And you know what? My good attitude remained with a lot of work. My children were incredibly sandy, I had to pee, and Mandy decided she didn't know how to walk while I was carrying too many sand toys, a towel, and backpack. I kept going and dealt with each situation much better than I would have ordinarily. My first reaction would be to get frustrated, yell, and try to hurry everyone along. Slowing down and waiting for my sand collecting children didn't kill me and my bladder didn't even burst. 

There was still sand in diapers and whining for food I didn't have. The children didn't stay happy, happy, happy. But I think they did really well on our adventure with their happy mom. We ate at Burger King and we even made it to the crowded outlet malls and found a few good deals.

I am the first to stand in the "imperfect" line. My little paradise here is not always sunny with palm trees, but I think I am on to something with this perspective thing. I may write a book and become famous and then I'll be rich and will be able to buy the perfect life. I'll be able to hire someone to hose off sandy, hungry children after fun at the beach while I go to the bathroom by myself -- what a novelty! This idea has a lot of merit to me: sitting in the same spot complaining is easier than moving to make the perfect frame. But isn't the effort worth it? Maybe all of us could use a little attitude adjustment from time to time.

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